The Worst Case
A ruthless disease..

 This is not going to be a happy go lucky blog like my previous one. So be prepared, some may cry or just get angry at the fact they know someone that has went or is going through the same thing that my family and myself are going through at this very moment.

Cancer

Everyone knows someone or a few people who struggle with the battle of cancer, from Stage 1 to Stage 4 of the disease. There are so many types and so many effects it has on anyone. Cancer, in what I have seen, is a ruthless disease, it doesn't care who you are, how old you are, if you have a lot of life to live or if you have lived a fullfilled life. From what I see not a single person has lived a fullfilled life when they get the disease. It can turn families upside down and destroy them during the long period of time that their loved one who is battling the disease lives.

Granny -Key West 2010-

My grandmother, known as Granny-Gran, has Stage 4 colon cancer. When she was first diagnosed with the disease, we all lived in fear of what the doctor told us.. She, at that point in time, had maybe 6 months at the most.. No hope at all what so ever.. They told us that she might not be here for Christmas.. That was 3 years ago.. She contimplated on going through with chemo treatments. She didn't want to live the remainder of her life "sick" "in pain" and not enjoy what she had left. About a few weeks later she went back to the doctor and with her final decision she decided that she would try Chemo treatments.. It would never cure her, but give her the most precious time with her family.Everything was going great! She surpassed the 6 months mark and the cancer ceased growing! She was able to come off the treatments for 6 months and another 3 months after going to check.. After the 3 month period came to an end, we found out that the cancer had spread. They immediatly placed her back onto the treatments and needless to say, NOTHING was working this time.

A few weeks or so, still independent and able to drive, not too far from home, she went to Crackle Barrel, to go eat.. Her last chemo treatment, drug her down low, to the lowest point of her sickness to this point. She had lost some hair, and she was VERY self-concious about it. She was sitting, alone, by herself eating her dinner and she noticed three women laughing, looking at her, and she thought "Well maybe they might be looking at someone behind me?" She finished eating, got up to go pay and she noticed the three women, hot on her heels. She overheard one of them saying "You know me, I don't give a damn" and next thing she knew the woman pushed her back on the shoulder, nearly knocking her over and said the following while the other two women snicked like little self absored bitches, "Look at you, are you sick!? You look like it and you shouldn't be here looking like that! Hair is all over your shirt. Your gross and nasty!"  She came home crying and finally told my mom what happened, mom soon let me know what was said and my blood boiled.. If the women are reading this, which I highly doubt that they are, FUCK YOU, payback is a bitch and Karma is hell and I hope God takes care of you in his own special way.

Granny January 3, 2012

That is my Granny now.. Britle, no strength, barely able to walk, and completely unaware of what is going on in the world around her. We've called hospis and they come once a week now, and they're fixing to start coming 2 days a week.. She's forgetful and talks out of her mind.. She says things she don't mean and talks to people who aren't there.. If you say something and she doesn't understand she thinks you're mad at her and gets upset. She has seen my Grandfather, Pawpa Ralph, and he's been gone for 6 years now.. It scares me that she's seeing him. She talks to people that aren't even there and gets everything confused and mixed up. Sometimes you have to go along with it.. It's very hard to do because you want to correct her, but she doesn't understand.

Last night, January 16, 2012 she hit a major bump.. Her worst night yet..

I sneezed, it scared the hell out of myself, my daughter, my mom and my granny.. She said "Well lord I guess if its on the wall I will have to beat you Jennifer-Annie (My nickname from her since I can remember and I have no clue where Annie came from). I thought I would have to sneeze again and laughingly I told her "Well we can get the maintence man in here and have him clean it."  All HELL broke loose. She didn't hear me, assumed I was angry with her, accused my mother of belittling her, stealing her car. Ripped things off the wall. Told my mom that "You hate me, you can't wait until I die I know you can't!" Told my mom she was calling the cops and have her thrown in jail. Wanted all of us to leave her house because she didn't like us there and knew we do not want to be there! Told us other people have seen the way we've treated her. (Remember, no one has been in her apartment except my mother, myself, my sister and my Stepdad, occasionally my best friend and my sisters best friend in the past few months.) With her throwing things and on a major rampage I started breaking down slowly inside.. I feel as if it is all of my fault, since my sneezing set it off. I let her know that I loved her very much and since she didn't wish for me being there I would leave.. She replied "I don't love you I haven't ever loved you but I have been good to you and you treat me like this!" Venom soaked her words, she was angry at nothing and confused by everything. I shut the door, leaving and started breaking down. Got to my house, sat down with my daughter and out rolled the tears. It wasn't one of those silent cries but full blown gasping for air cries. Which may I note my daughter finds my crying and gasping for air very hilarious.  I immediatly called the best friend, Jessie, and she was down at my house by my side to listen to me.. I have never been so heart broken in my entire life.. I was mad and upset, because that IS NOT my Granny.. The cancer has took over her body and soul completely..and I hate it.. I pray to God every single night to take it away but it just gets worse.. Now I wish that she could rest in peace and not hurt anymore, I feel cruel for wanting that, I want her here but I don't want her suffering anymore.. I honestly wish I had a magic wand to make it vanish away from her.. But I feel helpless and I can not stand it.