The Worst Case
A ruthless disease..

 This is not going to be a happy go lucky blog like my previous one. So be prepared, some may cry or just get angry at the fact they know someone that has went or is going through the same thing that my family and myself are going through at this very moment.

Cancer

Everyone knows someone or a few people who struggle with the battle of cancer, from Stage 1 to Stage 4 of the disease. There are so many types and so many effects it has on anyone. Cancer, in what I have seen, is a ruthless disease, it doesn't care who you are, how old you are, if you have a lot of life to live or if you have lived a fullfilled life. From what I see not a single person has lived a fullfilled life when they get the disease. It can turn families upside down and destroy them during the long period of time that their loved one who is battling the disease lives.

Granny -Key West 2010-

My grandmother, known as Granny-Gran, has Stage 4 colon cancer. When she was first diagnosed with the disease, we all lived in fear of what the doctor told us.. She, at that point in time, had maybe 6 months at the most.. No hope at all what so ever.. They told us that she might not be here for Christmas.. That was 3 years ago.. She contimplated on going through with chemo treatments. She didn't want to live the remainder of her life "sick" "in pain" and not enjoy what she had left. About a few weeks later she went back to the doctor and with her final decision she decided that she would try Chemo treatments.. It would never cure her, but give her the most precious time with her family.Everything was going great! She surpassed the 6 months mark and the cancer ceased growing! She was able to come off the treatments for 6 months and another 3 months after going to check.. After the 3 month period came to an end, we found out that the cancer had spread. They immediatly placed her back onto the treatments and needless to say, NOTHING was working this time.

A few weeks or so, still independent and able to drive, not too far from home, she went to Crackle Barrel, to go eat.. Her last chemo treatment, drug her down low, to the lowest point of her sickness to this point. She had lost some hair, and she was VERY self-concious about it. She was sitting, alone, by herself eating her dinner and she noticed three women laughing, looking at her, and she thought "Well maybe they might be looking at someone behind me?" She finished eating, got up to go pay and she noticed the three women, hot on her heels. She overheard one of them saying "You know me, I don't give a damn" and next thing she knew the woman pushed her back on the shoulder, nearly knocking her over and said the following while the other two women snicked like little self absored bitches, "Look at you, are you sick!? You look like it and you shouldn't be here looking like that! Hair is all over your shirt. Your gross and nasty!"  She came home crying and finally told my mom what happened, mom soon let me know what was said and my blood boiled.. If the women are reading this, which I highly doubt that they are, FUCK YOU, payback is a bitch and Karma is hell and I hope God takes care of you in his own special way.

Granny January 3, 2012

That is my Granny now.. Britle, no strength, barely able to walk, and completely unaware of what is going on in the world around her. We've called hospis and they come once a week now, and they're fixing to start coming 2 days a week.. She's forgetful and talks out of her mind.. She says things she don't mean and talks to people who aren't there.. If you say something and she doesn't understand she thinks you're mad at her and gets upset. She has seen my Grandfather, Pawpa Ralph, and he's been gone for 6 years now.. It scares me that she's seeing him. She talks to people that aren't even there and gets everything confused and mixed up. Sometimes you have to go along with it.. It's very hard to do because you want to correct her, but she doesn't understand.

Last night, January 16, 2012 she hit a major bump.. Her worst night yet..

I sneezed, it scared the hell out of myself, my daughter, my mom and my granny.. She said "Well lord I guess if its on the wall I will have to beat you Jennifer-Annie (My nickname from her since I can remember and I have no clue where Annie came from). I thought I would have to sneeze again and laughingly I told her "Well we can get the maintence man in here and have him clean it."  All HELL broke loose. She didn't hear me, assumed I was angry with her, accused my mother of belittling her, stealing her car. Ripped things off the wall. Told my mom that "You hate me, you can't wait until I die I know you can't!" Told my mom she was calling the cops and have her thrown in jail. Wanted all of us to leave her house because she didn't like us there and knew we do not want to be there! Told us other people have seen the way we've treated her. (Remember, no one has been in her apartment except my mother, myself, my sister and my Stepdad, occasionally my best friend and my sisters best friend in the past few months.) With her throwing things and on a major rampage I started breaking down slowly inside.. I feel as if it is all of my fault, since my sneezing set it off. I let her know that I loved her very much and since she didn't wish for me being there I would leave.. She replied "I don't love you I haven't ever loved you but I have been good to you and you treat me like this!" Venom soaked her words, she was angry at nothing and confused by everything. I shut the door, leaving and started breaking down. Got to my house, sat down with my daughter and out rolled the tears. It wasn't one of those silent cries but full blown gasping for air cries. Which may I note my daughter finds my crying and gasping for air very hilarious.  I immediatly called the best friend, Jessie, and she was down at my house by my side to listen to me.. I have never been so heart broken in my entire life.. I was mad and upset, because that IS NOT my Granny.. The cancer has took over her body and soul completely..and I hate it.. I pray to God every single night to take it away but it just gets worse.. Now I wish that she could rest in peace and not hurt anymore, I feel cruel for wanting that, I want her here but I don't want her suffering anymore.. I honestly wish I had a magic wand to make it vanish away from her.. But I feel helpless and I can not stand it.



The Beginning of it all...

The Beginning Note

I suppose I should start out by an introduction? The names Jennifer. I'm 22 and will be 23 in one month from today! Yaaaayyy. Exciting! I have a six month old daughter, Kayleigh Elizabeth. This is my first blog. I can vent, rant, and everything else into this and let you people read about my ups and downs. The good, the bad and the ugly of my life.. Where to begin??

My beautiful baby girl

This little person, is literally my life. This is my reason for breathing, eating, and just simply living. She is my whole world and I would do anything for her. When she smiles, I smile. When she gets tickled pink and laughing uncontrollably needless to say, I do the same. And there we are, both sitting together, laughing like a bunch of hyenas. Having a child is well worth it. Financially on the other hand, is very rough.

Single mother

So many times I am asked by people.. "Are you with the father?" 
My reply from now on, just because I am literally sick of saying the same thing nicely and getting a disgusted look because my answer is no will be "Do you see him here next to me, helping me? Didn't think so!" Actually, I am far too nice of a person to even say that but I would very much like to!

First off, stop with being nosy.. Is it any of your business that I am with her "father"? Nope is sure as hell isn't.  But since the world must know why every single time I say no is because... Pay attention to this.

The Split

I left him, it wasn't an environment I would want to raise my child in. He has a daughter that is now three. He's like a child himself, I am not taking care of "three" kids. Our break up was a messy one. I was 3 months pregnant with my daughter when it all went down. You seen the Jersey Shore break up of Ronnie and Sam? Yeah well ours was kinda like that.. Except I didn't destroy the stuff. My best friends ex, Will and his buddy did the stuff after the way he acted when I broke the news to him.. ANYWAY. I didn't want to be with a lazy ass bum, who doesn't take care of his kids. Hell his oldest daughter, his mother and myself took more care of her than he did. All he did was sit on the Playstation 3 and play MW2 and Black Ops. At the time he worked maybe 2 days at Demos', if that. HA. Some job. I made small mental notes of everything he done until my limit was reached. We lived together, argued every single night. He took my car to his friends house on hours on end. I contimplated many times of calling the cops after he wouldn't answer my phone calls and come in strolling in around 2 a.m. pretending everything was honky doorey. That would of been interesting.. He gets my daughter every other weekend for one night, he's honestly lucky he's getting that.. He owes back child support ALREADY, and I believe he's lost his job.. Go figure.. We will just have to wait an see what really freaking happens. Oh and did I mention.. He's got another girl pregnant, another girl to add to the list.. Someone needs to chop his nuts off.. Seriously he can't pay for two kids, he better butter this chick up and stay with her.. And it's due on my birthday.. I would die laughing if she happened to be born on my birthday.. Bahaha.. >=]

A Very Happy Family



The man in the picture is the boyfriend who has stolen my heart as well as my daughters. Everything he does is in the best intrest of both of us. He is one amazing person, well man. We have been together almost 6 months. We started dating a month after Kayleigh was born. He is very supportive and helpful. Kayleigh adores him more than anything. When she sees him she lights up. He is just absolutely amazing. I tell him all the time and every time I get to see him. His reply "I am just being myself." And what more could a woman ask for than for the man shes with to be himself.. Unless he's just a prick. Thank god, Jon is nothing I have ever expected to find.. Kayleigh and myself are very blessed to have him in our lives.